Tuesday the Cephalopod

I try not to go on body positivity rants, especially not on Facebook, but today, I want that rant and I want it badly.  I have a beautiful body soap box so tall in my mind.  I want to tell all of my friends that I see them as beautiful, happy bodies, especially the few on my mind right now. 

Perhaps it is my decision not to diet lately, and to enjoy food, but I want everyone to feel the same way.  As I page through these exercise routines on Pinterest, and see these food posts with calories in the descriptions, my heart breaks a little each time.

I have spent the last year or so working to believe that my body is beautiful as it is.  Losing weight made me smaller, something I want always— all of the time.  It also made me terrified of food.  I know how many calories are in everything, how many of them I should eat in a serving, as well as how bad they are for my diet.  I know this information about healthy foods— strawberries, bananas, carrots and the like, and I measure them based on this, even now.  I cannot tell you which vitamins and proteins are in each, or how the antioxidants make me more well, or if or how they will make me healthier, only to what extent they increase my risk of fatness.  

What did I gain from being skinnier?  Different compliments.  Smaller clothes.  Extreme paranoia that I would get fatter again.  

Things I lost from dieting?  Self-confidence.  Ice cream.  Feeling comfortable in my body.  Satiation.  Time.  Drinking anything with calories (healthy or not).  Others confidence in me as they watched me fight with food and hate my body.  

What things didn’t change (e.g. What I did fat, skinny, or in the middle)?  Bikini rocking.  Riding my bicycle.  Dislike for gyms.  Appearing in pictures.  Being a beautiful person inside and out.  My health.  My sex life.  

What do I do on days when my body feels too large?  Fish for compliments (yeah, yeah, yeah…)  Ride my bicycle.  Get ready naked.  Look at other ladies my same size, and reflect on how beautiful they are.  Put on a dress.  Think of my friends who don’t like they’re bodies, and think of how they are each amazing.  

Want to know more about fat & health & happiness?  This.  

Laci Green (Fat Shame & The End of Diets)

Health at Every Size

Abigail Saguy, author of “What’s Wrong with Fat”

“So You’re Feeling Too Fat to be Photographed…” by My Friend Theresa Photography

The Love Yourself Challenge

Mind you, this is not a comprehensive list, and just what I could come up with on the fly.  I hope that all of us can one day find a way to love our bodies, because they really are amazing machines, capable of epic things.  

Had a stellar weekend with many friends.  Old friends from San Francisco, new friends from school, and mid friends from work.  

Plans made for June camping, condo renting, and a potential jaunt to the bay area.  

I love all of these people.  Their presence in my life makes me happy!!

Now, literature reviews.  Yuck.

Also, I ate meat today— that made me sad.  Down with carnivorism.  

Life leaves little time for Tumbling.  Here are some non-sentences about things in April.  

Minus one dog.

Mango Chutney & Refrigerator Pickles with craft ninjas.  

Drank too much— out all night.

Protested the war on women.

Sourfest Tickets!!

New boss is creepy.

First-place finish at trivia.

Class-time doodles.

Dancing, sour beers, & trading cards.

Veggie stir-fry and Mary Jane.

Fridge doubly-keggerated.  

No chocolate bunnies, just PBR.

Secret archives of Denver Public Library.

Autistic Jim’s Hot Dog Emporium.

Ninjas make pasties (cephalopod pasties).

Ah Tumblr, how you’ve eluded me of late.

Back in school a few weeks, and learning all of these library-y things. Thinking I may want to segue into the profession of Cataloging. MaRC21 records are looking awfully sexy to me these days.

Shelving books most days, in the quiet library while my iPod plays. It plays a lot of The Bombay Bicycle Club, Band of Horses, and The Thermals of late. The soothing Indie chords help keep the OCD at bay.

At the mental health center on Saturdays, pouring arrays of rainbow meds into paper cups.

A full-fledged declaration of vegetarianism has been made. Worried about how it will impact my eating with the family.

Ten-year high-school reunion approaching fast. Unsure if my life will seem impressive or bizarre— though caring less about that than I expected.

Opened an Etsy store which sadly remains empty. No time to tumbl, and alas, no time to craft.

Feeling tinges of jealousy over the artistic abilities of the world around me, not so proud of that.  Made some Exploding Dog icons and tried my hand at painting.  Painting, do not like.

Husband quit the evil consumerist hell. I hope the effects of its’ doom are not lasting.

Additional dog while my friend, Stacie, cavorts about in Ecuador. Double the dogs, double the fun?

New hair impending. Something of an asymmetrical turquoise business— mildly nervous.

Every spare hour is devoted to fun, if at all possible. Bicycle endeavors, beer consumption, book absorption, Wednesday trivia, tasty meat-free meals, et al.